One year ago

One year and an hour ago, I received a call informing me my father had passed away, a very sudden death.  I still remember vividly the conversation, the tone of my voice and what I did that night.

One year ago I thought I would have had the chance to see my father again as  planned but it didn’t happen.  I still remember our conversations during the 1.5 weeks he was in the hospital.  The last few days before his death, the conversations were more brief since he had a feeding tube in his throat.

It’s still very hard to write about it and I keep thinking of my father all the time.  I am still holding on to the Father’s Day card I had bought for him last year, all ready to be mailed out except for the postage.  It didn’t even get to leave my desk and is now tucked away together with my other stuff at work.

I know the day will come when I will finally see him and be together again.  There are a lot of things that reminds me of him so much.  But I keep telling myself not to hold on to those old stuff, move on and keep him in my memory. The memory of him and I together is when he, my mom, sis and family sent me off at KLIA December 8, 2007, the last time I saw him.  I had never cried so much that night, and tears are still flowing right now.

Then I think of my mother.  She says she is coping well now.  I’m sure it’s extremely hard for her but she sure knows how to keep herself occupied which is good to know. There is feeling in me that kills me knowing she is alone in the house.  Just maybe one day I can go back to Ipoh again.  It will not be next year, however, I hope it would be the following year.

As of now, I will forever cherish those memories I have of my father.  May his soul is resting in peace and our Lord Jesus Christ be with him always and forever.  Amen.

I miss you very much, father, and love you always.

Your daughter,