Archives for Faith

I’m baptised a Catholic but there are a lot of Catholic things I’m still quite anti about. My coworker, M, and I had a conversation about how our mass are and the Catholic churches are nowadays compare to 15, 20 years ago. I told her the church I go to is quite contemporary which is not really my liking. The entire church surroundings is too modern…modern sculptures of the Saints and Mary Mother, the altar is too modern. No paintings at all. The crucifix is at the side of the church. It’s not hung high up above the sanctuary like how other churches do. I must be so archaic in traditions I’m not opening up to modern art and thinking!!

M and I said the sacrament of reconciliation (confession) is what we sort of don’t agree with. What’s between me and God, I will speak to God, not to a priest who represents Jesus. It’s really hard to open up to a person even though you are not sitting face to face with the priest and ‘fessed up your sins. Even though the priest is not suppose to take sides, he is suppose to give you spiritual guidance, it still takes a lot of guts to spill those sins out. I suppose that’s where humility and humbleness come into the teachings of Christ.

Another thing that bugs me a lot is how the Catholic church bans the use of contraception….IUD, vasectomy, birth control pills, etc. The Catholic Church only believes in natural family planning (NFP) which does not always work, according to M. She said that’s all BS. I told her I totally do not agree with just NFP. I don’t think many sane folks want to be the Duggars! I agree that a child is a gift from God but the Dug-gars have 19 kids and still counting is abso-damn-lutely frigging NUTS. The poor kids will be craving for attention from the parents but not getting from them but instead from their older siblings! I find that’s dysfunctional.  Wellll, here I am judging people and am I right to judge….well, it’s more of my opinion I think.

M was raised a Methodist but converted to Catholic by marriage. All her four kids are baptised Catholic but the two older girls are now Lutherans and the other two had nothing to do with any churches. What we both agree at is how the Catholic church still stick with the rituals and traditions except for not allowing the priests to marry. It says the priests are married to the Church, the Church is the priest’s bride. She is very highly against that, but me, just a tad bit in disagreeing.

I told her I chose Catholicsm because I love, love the rituals, the church, vestments and the Eucharist. I’m still learning every day about my faith and the history and most probably till the day I kick the bucket I still have questions in my head with Catholicsm.

That was the question DB asked me on Sunday which my answer was NO!

I went to church on Wednesday for Ash Wednesday evening mass.  Thursday night I was suppose to go for a night of prayer and reflection thingy but i didn’t go.  I could not muster my eyes to stay open to even try to drive to church.  So I didn’t go, however, I went to bed early that night which turned out great. 

On Friday evening I went to church at 6 for a Soup Supper (a dinner of soup and bread) function and followed by Stations of the Cross.  Both of these were very new to me as I have not done it last year.  The Stations of the Cross experience was good….enlightening to me.   

 After the Stations’, those who signed up for the Lenten retreat organized by the church, have to stay put in the church for the start of the retreat.  It was then 8:20 p.m.  I thought I would get tired but nope, no tireness.  Most probably I was looking forward to it as it was my first…..such rookie!

The night ended at around 9-ish and by the time I got home, it was almost 10 p.m.   I have to get to bed early enough to get up next morning, Saturday, for the second day of the Lenten retreat which starts at 8 a.m.  I got up quite early for a walk with the dogs and even had some time for Cityville, or I should say I purposely got up  a little earlier  for Cityville!!!  I’m so sick!

The retreat on Saturday was very thought provoking.  It definitely deepens my faith with Christ and of course, by the time it ended which was 4 p.m. I was suppose to go for Mass which I skipped.  I went home and wanted to take a nap.  Unfortunately I didn’t get to nap when I got home.  The boys bugged me to high heaven as if it’s a revenge that I was gone the entire day.

So since I didn’t go to for Mass on Saturday evening, I had to get up early for Sunday’s mass.  And on top of that, it’s the start of  daylight savings on Sunday…spring forward, set the clocks an hour ahead, which means we lose an hour of sleep.  By the time I got home from church I went right down for a nap…..slept for almost 2 hours and if I didn’t had to get up for bathroom break, I would had continue sleeping.

How time flies….it’s the season of Lent starting this Friday.  Last year I was prepping for my baptism and the season of Lent was so new to me.  DB, being the cradle Catholic and whatever he still remembers about Lent told me what’s the dos and don’ts during Lent.  We only did our no-meat on Fridays. 

This year, we will still go meatless on Friday and I might step it up a level to fast on Fridays.  Maybe….not sure if my will-power is that good.  But I did signed up for activities leading up to Lent and also a Lenten retreat.  All these would be interesting since they would be all new experiences for me.  Ash Wednesday is this Wednesday and I’m so looking towards it. 

The Lenten season is all about praying, fasting and generosity in giving (charity).  Ok, the Church ask us Catholics to sacrifice ourselves to these three things.  Sacrifice my FB games is the one thing I have already put on my list, it’s actually on the top of the list.  It’s the temptation to jump into the games that will probably get me, but I will stand firm on the ground on this horrible addiction of mine!   To know more about what Lent is, go here coz I suck in explaning stuff.

OK, warning, if you don’t want to read about faith, you can skip this post.

Yeah the title is crazy but I really thank God for life adversities, the hardships I have to go through. “No cross, no crown.”  The crosses I have to carry is part of my faith journey.  Yes, you can see it coming that this post is about my faith. 

Life ain’t no bed of roses for me as an adult which I learned the hard way.  I take it as lessons in life and the most important thing I have learned is how it brings out my inner self - the control freak and “everything has to be perfect” self of me. 

The man lost his job which I have not much remorse about since he did it to himself.  Yes, that fella was not responsible enough even though he hates his job to the core of his soul, i’m very sure of it!!  No doubt all this hating his job, stressful and tiring the job is, it all leads him to drinking again.  Yeah, me not happy about him drinking, however, it led to a lot of thinking and feelings of anxieties.  Finally the support group I’m with said it right:  I didn’t caused it, I cannot control it and I cannot change it.  Only thing I can change and control is myself and attitude.  Why angry at a situation that I cannot change that does not lead to anything except feel guilty on what I did – the sarscarsms, criticizing,  and dwelling on resentment.  Surely didn’t do me any damn good.   And the important thing is I have friends to talk to.  It helps so much and, of course, I turn to my faith.  I can piss and moan at God and yet I still turn to Him to humbly ask for His mercy for help and strength.   Yeah, ask big and never know what you will get.  When the time is right, I will know what changes I have to make.

All these life challenges has even brought me closer to my new found faith.  I am so thanking God for the faith I have in Him for me.  I am no holy moly type but I found reading scriptures and books on faith (Diary of Saint Faustina) has helped me to spend more time to reflect on myself and, you guess it, pray.  Yes, I have been putting  a lot of my time doing them, hence the quietness on FB that I’m actually losing interest even with my favorite games Mafia War, Frontierville and Zoo World.  I have to say this, I’m putting God first before anything else.  You can say I’m brain washed, but I find that it helps me.  So whatever it takes to help me keep my sanity, I’m doing it. 

These life burdens to me is how God wants me to turn to Him for His guidance, knowing that I’m reassured He will always be there no matter how big, bad the hardships are.  It definitely teaches me patience, humility and kindness, and not just me, Me, ME. 

Life is back to one plus income which I have done it before (minus the rent payment before), we will work on it.  The man is now feeling guilty as hell for what he did and of course I don’t blame his company for firing him from his past history with attendance and not calling in on time….that’s another thing.  I didn’t help either coz I know his cellphone was screwed but yet I didn’t offer my cellphone for him to call his workplace.  Plus he didn’t think of it too coz he said he was frantically trying to fix the damn phone.  Water under the bridge and as long as he don’t burn the bridges, I told him he be fine with the employer….for unemployment sake. 

Life still goes on and I’m actually feeling good, unlike the week before (dwelling on something already happened and things I cannot change).  I want to thank my friends, you know who you are, and my faith.